


What Whispers Through Leaves

by JoyHeart



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Mpreg, Other, madam pomfrey done with shit, pre natal sap, seedlings, written for contest on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7047532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyHeart/pseuds/JoyHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Madam Pomfrey treats a very pregnant Harry and questions him on his lifestyle choices</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Whispers Through Leaves

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a contest on AO3 hosted by ao3tagoftheday
> 
> I totally won, brah

Madam Pomfrey had had just about enough of this nonsense.

“Mr. Potter. We talked about this. Stop. Fucking. The Whomping Willow,” Madam Pomfrey sighed as she strapped Harry Potter’s legs into the restraints of his hospital bed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry Potter claimed, even as pre-natal sap oozed out of his anus, staining the bedsheets a weird burnt-amber colour. Madam Pomfrey made note to burn those later. The last thing she needed was the stink to attract Lust Moss all through the infirmary. She’s give it to Professor Sprout but… well… she did that the last three times Potter had come to her with this problem and honestly the greenhouses were at risk for that parasite to up and take over at this rate. Sprout had been absolutely batshit when she discovered that it had basically fucked its way through an entire batch of teenage mandrakes and every one of them was birthing Lust Moss seeds at an abominable rate… well at least they seemed satisfied…

Pomfrey shook her head sharply. The task at hand was too important. She would worry about what to do with this pre-natal sap later. For now, it was going to ease the way-again-for Harry’s tree-baby abomination.

“Mr. Potter, the human body is not supposed to birth magical plant life. I don’t know where you’re keeping the stash of that potion you made from the restricted section of the library, but I mean to find out. This is…” Pomfrey pressed a hand over her eyes in disgust as another jet of pre-natal sap gushed from Harry’s ass, the stink wafting around the room enough for the other students behind the privacy curtains to start questioning the weirdly sweet stench. “Why. Why Harry. Why do you have to keep fucking that stupid tree.”

Harry looked at Madam Pomfrey with a thousand yard stare. Then he sighed and laid back on the covers. “Well, if you really want to know, I suppose I could tell you. But it is a tale of great romance and tragedy. Let me tell you, it will be both poetic and charming, and sad. You will laugh, you will cry. Can you handle it?”

“Well Mr. Potter, I can apparently handle birthing your weird sappy seedling babies every three months, so I’m going to say probably.” Madam Pomfrey summoned a chair, assuming this would be a long yarn. Sure, her other students probably needed treatment. But honestly, Pomfrey was pretty much sick of the little bastards and yes, Harry was a tree slut, but at least this would give some hot gossip to share with Snape and Madam Pince during their weekly “holy shit this is what our shit students are doing this week we need to just expel the lot of them” tea sessions.

So Harry opened his mouth and began his tale, in his own words:

“Right so, okay, you know how me dad and his mates used to get past that ol’ whomper to hang out while Lupin was all wolfy and shit? Okay, so they used to fuck the tree. I know, yeah, Wormtail would just run up and hit that nubby thing to freeze it right? Well they didn’t know that right away so they used to just have to fuck it. Eventually though, the tree telepathically told them they had to start carrying its weird offspring to keep getting passage, so they found that book, and boom, now the forest is full of bowtrunkles.”

Madam Pomfrey here interrupted, “Literally everyone knows that, Potter.”

Harry rolled his eyes, “I know, I know, I’m setting the stage! So right, I come to Hogwarts, everything’s cool for my education until year six, and like… I’m really horny that year, ma’am. Just super horny. So I go out to the tree and I think to myself, hey, if my dad got off… so yeah. We fucked. And like, it started as a booty call, but I kind of liked being full of sap you know? So I sort of just started plugging it in there… it was nice. And then the tree telepathically was all, ‘Yo Harry, baby willows in the ass make sap pretty much 24/7’ and I’m like… heck yes. So, now I breed bowtrunkles. The End.”

Madam Pomfrey sighed and stood from her chair. “Harry, that story sucked. 0/10. This is why you fail your classes.”

Harry sighed, and then screamed in pain mixed with pleasure as an ugly bark-covered baby shot out of his ass, splattering the entire room with sap. It was pretty gross, but Madam Pomfrey had made a decision.

She was going to quit.

She packed her bag that very day and took the floo network as far from Hogwarts as she could get. She set up black market practice of selling magical cures to muggles. She made a fortune.

Meanwhile, Harry threw his new bowtrunkle son at Hagrid who was thrilled to keep raising Harry’s children, (or his unofficial grandbabies as he said), and Harry just ended up going back into the Willow’s waiting tree limbs, smiling wide.

“Hello my sappy leaf covered love-muffin!” Harry giggled gleefully as the branches grabbed him about the waist and lifted him into his branches.

“Hello, my tiny nerd cum/sap dumpster baby/seedling incubator,” the Whomping Willow replied, in the telepathic monotone Harry had grown to love. “You are vacant. I will now implant more seedlings in your rectum.”

“Aw, you always know just what to say!” Harry giggled again as quickly branches and vines filled his holes, bringing him to orgasmic bliss over and over again until he was filled and ready to incubate another 3 months.

“But next time,” Harry thought, “I’ll get Hagrid to midwife. He’d like that. He’s a weirdo.” And on that note, Harry was fucked into unconsciousness.

THE END


End file.
